Questions answered
Feb. 22nd, 2011 08:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gaypornninjaficsoreal --
I APPRECIATE THAT YOU TOOK THE TIME TO ANSWER THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
spyderqueen -- Please pick up dinner tomorrow? Church's maybe?
No. Also no. Maybe tomorrow. Picked up. Level 5 achievement points acquired.
kimberlyfdr -- Why are the Human Torch and Captain America twins?
Because Chris Evans has a bet with Ryan Reynolds to see who can star in the most comic book roles. Evans is winning 4 [F4, Cap, the Losers, Scott Pilgrim] to 3 [Blade III, Green Lantern, Deadpool (Wolverine)]
Also, the Human Torch is dead now so I'm sure no one will notice.
green_grrl -- Don't need to ask. I can see the drugs kicked in.
I'm not passed out naked on the floor? I'm very confused.
omglawdork -- favorite food you can't get where you live
WHY MUST YOU REMIND ME OF THE PAIN? I can actually get them sometimes but it's difficult. Smarties. [The British kind. The American kind are inferior and should be called Rockets.]
merelymine -- WHO IS MORE AWESOME, BOOSTER GOLD OR GUY GARDNER?
WHAT THE? WHY WOULD YOU? SOBBING. I really don't know, like I want to type Booster and then my brain is like BUT GUY PUNCHES PEOPLE AND DRINKS BEER AND TOUCHES KYLE COME ON. I'm sorry, I can't pick.
omens -- my question is too awesome to fit (lies)
OTTERS.
iambickilometer -- WHAT IS THIS BOOSTER GOLD: DRAW UNICORNS BUSINESS?
Besides my post, in the comic the kid he semi-adopted drew a unicorn or a horse or something on Rip's chalkboard - and Booster colors with her so that is why.
bibliokat -- Can you tell me more about Booster's TV show?!
Jaime would be on it. So it would win all the ratings ever. And Guy Gardner could give a very special talk about abused children and why it's important to hug your mom. Dammit I desperately want to get away with this now.
camshaft22 -- When are you going to be Batman? I want to be Ivy.
I am currently wearing a Batman jacket so anytime you want to swing by wearing little to no green clothing with some plants is good for me.
batstalker -- WHY ARE YOU SO FUN?
Once upon a time there was a miserable little bastard who hated everyone and everything until one day said miserable bastard discovered gay porn and glitter. Then it all worked out. Also, I firmly believe two things. A) The World is a giant prank. B) When I actually discover the method behind the prank - I will be killed immediately.
wiredwizard -- Meow?
We raid at dawn.
mskatej -- Ninjas?
Is your LJ person wearing a cowboy hat? That's awesome. Ninjas are amazing, thank you for inquiring.
adler1013 -- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ORANGE
A banana doesn't have any bones.
lexstar29 -- Who is your favourite superhero of all time?
ooh. Um. It really is Superboy. I should lie and say someone really obscure to make myself look cool, but Kon-el. He's my favorite.
aurora_84 -- HOW ARE YOU, DUDE?
Super! How are you? We are behind on our script to get JGL tied up and spanked. Alas.
ethrosdemon -- What's even going on here? Well. Let me see. This is the transcript I typed up of the response I got to your query.
/clears throat/
Ves Leck Nolle Devin Nifteen Ichin... [trans: I am glad you asked me such a question.]
/Russian accent/ I do not think this translator is functioning properly!
/loud noise like a hand smacking something metal/
/British accent/
All the organics in the universe we make and still our technology is for shit. What can you do?
So let me see. In the beginning. Bah. The beginning has nothing to do with any of you! Why would you care? But I will tell you anyway. There was no beginning, and there is no end. That is a lie, but you need not concern yourself with that. Half the universe you see in your spy scopes isn't even real. We ran out of space one day and put threw up some holograms for the Kerliquke section. Never mind that. Today we are here to cover this hilarious book I was just shown called the Bible that starts In the beginning.
/sound of pages flipping/
Are we sure I am not reading this backwards? This last book reads like someone got into the party at the end of the dimensions and saw through the vortal that Tom set up to entertain the guy with the pointy hat. No, I don't know why he likes horror films! Maybe it has something to do with the pointy hat! Look, I am explaining to the human people about their origins because they keep sending us these stupid radio signals and The Mallard told me to clear that up. SHUT UP THEN!
Sorry about that. My co-workers are very annoying. This is why marketing people should be silenced at birth.
/more pages flipping/
This is terrible. Look, Earth was not our best effort. You were all supposed to evolve from pigs, but then the monkeys got in there, and you know monkeys, once they get out, you never put them back. So, eh, when this guy, Yoshua, shows up and says he has some money, but not a lot, we give him a big discount. Perhaps we forgot to mention that there were already people here when we sold it to him, but discount! Anyway, I understand he made a garden and there was a mess in it? Not our fault!
/aside/ He did not want to pay for a warranty! We said a warranty is important, sometimes the organics go funny, but what do I know? I am only a foolish planet dealer assistant, of course I am an idiot. It looks like it generally worked out though? Now Yoshua's people celebrate his greatness by never paying full retail and you have all these lovely cities. I enjoy cities. In the Manqwing galaxy, the cities are all transparent, it's beautiful. I would show you a picture, but I understand your eyes don't work that well. That is very unfortunate for you.
Anyway, back to the monkeys. They got in the machine, and evolved in humans, and now you have monkey brains so there's war and lots of garbage all over the place. That happens. Let me put your mind at ease, Earth is not our worst failure by far. There is one planet that is nothing but tiny Popsicles that talk. It's terrible - everyone eats them. I'm so ashamed - just because everyone enjoys frozen desserts was not a reason to condemn an entire species. /sigh/ Moving on, I would like to clear up your file as expediently as possible, so I have to ask that in the future you forward all your requests to Tom in research. I know he has the mock-up somewhere for your DNA structure along with the directions we gave to Yoshua. I am sure he will be more than happy to forward those on to you.
I would like to add a warning that you stop digging minerals out of the ground as we put them there for a reason and we sent Yoshua a clear letter stating that if the inhabitants somehow ruin the planet - there are no refunds! These science experiments sometimes go array. Good Luck to you in your future ventures as a species.
/to someone else/ What was that? I suppose they could be compared to an ant farm but I think they are more like those bee creatures. What do you mean the bees are dying? You tell him no refunds! You send him another letter! Next planet, we are not even making any monkeys!
In closing, it's been pleasant to speak to you, and have a clear morning and star filled night!
Also! No on planet visits for maintenance either! That requires a contract!
Good Day. Vishnu out.
transcription notes: 22/2/11 by gpn.
I APPRECIATE THAT YOU TOOK THE TIME TO ANSWER THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
spyderqueen -- Please pick up dinner tomorrow? Church's maybe?
kimberlyfdr -- Why are the Human Torch and Captain America twins?
Because Chris Evans has a bet with Ryan Reynolds to see who can star in the most comic book roles. Evans is winning 4 [F4, Cap, the Losers, Scott Pilgrim] to 3 [Blade III, Green Lantern, Deadpool (Wolverine)]
Also, the Human Torch is dead now so I'm sure no one will notice.
green_grrl -- Don't need to ask. I can see the drugs kicked in.
I'm not passed out naked on the floor? I'm very confused.
omglawdork -- favorite food you can't get where you live
WHY MUST YOU REMIND ME OF THE PAIN? I can actually get them sometimes but it's difficult. Smarties. [The British kind. The American kind are inferior and should be called Rockets.]
merelymine -- WHO IS MORE AWESOME, BOOSTER GOLD OR GUY GARDNER?
WHAT THE? WHY WOULD YOU? SOBBING. I really don't know, like I want to type Booster and then my brain is like BUT GUY PUNCHES PEOPLE AND DRINKS BEER AND TOUCHES KYLE COME ON. I'm sorry, I can't pick.
omens -- my question is too awesome to fit (lies)
OTTERS.
iambickilometer -- WHAT IS THIS BOOSTER GOLD: DRAW UNICORNS BUSINESS?
Besides my post, in the comic the kid he semi-adopted drew a unicorn or a horse or something on Rip's chalkboard - and Booster colors with her so that is why.
bibliokat -- Can you tell me more about Booster's TV show?!
Jaime would be on it. So it would win all the ratings ever. And Guy Gardner could give a very special talk about abused children and why it's important to hug your mom. Dammit I desperately want to get away with this now.
camshaft22 -- When are you going to be Batman? I want to be Ivy.
I am currently wearing a Batman jacket so anytime you want to swing by wearing little to no green clothing with some plants is good for me.
batstalker -- WHY ARE YOU SO FUN?
Once upon a time there was a miserable little bastard who hated everyone and everything until one day said miserable bastard discovered gay porn and glitter. Then it all worked out. Also, I firmly believe two things. A) The World is a giant prank. B) When I actually discover the method behind the prank - I will be killed immediately.
wiredwizard -- Meow?
We raid at dawn.
mskatej -- Ninjas?
Is your LJ person wearing a cowboy hat? That's awesome. Ninjas are amazing, thank you for inquiring.
adler1013 -- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ORANGE
A banana doesn't have any bones.
lexstar29 -- Who is your favourite superhero of all time?
ooh. Um. It really is Superboy. I should lie and say someone really obscure to make myself look cool, but Kon-el. He's my favorite.
aurora_84 -- HOW ARE YOU, DUDE?
Super! How are you? We are behind on our script to get JGL tied up and spanked. Alas.
ethrosdemon -- What's even going on here? Well. Let me see. This is the transcript I typed up of the response I got to your query.
/clears throat/
Ves Leck Nolle Devin Nifteen Ichin... [trans: I am glad you asked me such a question.]
/Russian accent/ I do not think this translator is functioning properly!
/loud noise like a hand smacking something metal/
/British accent/
All the organics in the universe we make and still our technology is for shit. What can you do?
So let me see. In the beginning. Bah. The beginning has nothing to do with any of you! Why would you care? But I will tell you anyway. There was no beginning, and there is no end. That is a lie, but you need not concern yourself with that. Half the universe you see in your spy scopes isn't even real. We ran out of space one day and put threw up some holograms for the Kerliquke section. Never mind that. Today we are here to cover this hilarious book I was just shown called the Bible that starts In the beginning.
/sound of pages flipping/
Are we sure I am not reading this backwards? This last book reads like someone got into the party at the end of the dimensions and saw through the vortal that Tom set up to entertain the guy with the pointy hat. No, I don't know why he likes horror films! Maybe it has something to do with the pointy hat! Look, I am explaining to the human people about their origins because they keep sending us these stupid radio signals and The Mallard told me to clear that up. SHUT UP THEN!
Sorry about that. My co-workers are very annoying. This is why marketing people should be silenced at birth.
/more pages flipping/
This is terrible. Look, Earth was not our best effort. You were all supposed to evolve from pigs, but then the monkeys got in there, and you know monkeys, once they get out, you never put them back. So, eh, when this guy, Yoshua, shows up and says he has some money, but not a lot, we give him a big discount. Perhaps we forgot to mention that there were already people here when we sold it to him, but discount! Anyway, I understand he made a garden and there was a mess in it? Not our fault!
/aside/ He did not want to pay for a warranty! We said a warranty is important, sometimes the organics go funny, but what do I know? I am only a foolish planet dealer assistant, of course I am an idiot. It looks like it generally worked out though? Now Yoshua's people celebrate his greatness by never paying full retail and you have all these lovely cities. I enjoy cities. In the Manqwing galaxy, the cities are all transparent, it's beautiful. I would show you a picture, but I understand your eyes don't work that well. That is very unfortunate for you.
Anyway, back to the monkeys. They got in the machine, and evolved in humans, and now you have monkey brains so there's war and lots of garbage all over the place. That happens. Let me put your mind at ease, Earth is not our worst failure by far. There is one planet that is nothing but tiny Popsicles that talk. It's terrible - everyone eats them. I'm so ashamed - just because everyone enjoys frozen desserts was not a reason to condemn an entire species. /sigh/ Moving on, I would like to clear up your file as expediently as possible, so I have to ask that in the future you forward all your requests to Tom in research. I know he has the mock-up somewhere for your DNA structure along with the directions we gave to Yoshua. I am sure he will be more than happy to forward those on to you.
I would like to add a warning that you stop digging minerals out of the ground as we put them there for a reason and we sent Yoshua a clear letter stating that if the inhabitants somehow ruin the planet - there are no refunds! These science experiments sometimes go array. Good Luck to you in your future ventures as a species.
/to someone else/ What was that? I suppose they could be compared to an ant farm but I think they are more like those bee creatures. What do you mean the bees are dying? You tell him no refunds! You send him another letter! Next planet, we are not even making any monkeys!
In closing, it's been pleasant to speak to you, and have a clear morning and star filled night!
Also! No on planet visits for maintenance either! That requires a contract!
Good Day. Vishnu out.
transcription notes: 22/2/11 by gpn.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 01:53 am (UTC)Posting while high! I THINK THIS POST PROVES MY POINT. ALSO IT MAKES ME HAPPY--CONTACT HIGH!
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Date: 2011-02-23 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 11:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 04:07 am (UTC)Anyway, I understand he made a garden and there was a mess in it? Not our fault!
Loling forever. :D:D:D:D This was quite entertaining.
MONKEYS DO GET INTO EVERYTHING. TRUEST OF FAX.
no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 11:43 pm (UTC)That monkey gets more play than me. LIFE.
no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 11:53 pm (UTC)That monkey gets so much play that he turns chicks DOWN. Wtf, monkey?
no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 11:59 pm (UTC)I read an interview in Wired with this guy who writes science stuff about Information and how the whole universe is actually information [atoms are just how it's carried] and they mentioned Babbage's the whole universe is a computer and I thought about the guy who is slowly math proving the universe is a hologram and thinking I can not wait until THERE IS A WATCHMAKER turns into BUT SOMEONE PROGRAMMED THE GODDAMN COMPUTER.
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Date: 2011-02-23 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-23 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-24 11:49 pm (UTC)